Sexual assault can happen to anyone:
First-year college students can be particularly vulnerable to sexual assault. You are likely away from your family for the first time and you are bound to experience new social settings, different from what you have been a part of before. You will be faced with an array of personal choices that you may have never experienced in the past. Peer cultures in college often condone or encourage underage drinking or the excessive use of alcohol or other drugs. While having the freedom to make your own decisions is a positive step ahead in your life, it is important that you understand the risks involved in your years as a college student. College should be a positive experience for everyone, and while this is not meant to frighten you, it is necessary for you to be aware of the possibility of sexual assault and rape, a serious epidemic in our country.
An especially risky time for sexual assault/date rape to occur is the period between the beginning of school until November. This is a time that universities in our country consider “The Red Zone”. The statistics of the Red Zone often demonstrate an increase in party activities, relationship “get togethers” and break ups, sexual activity, and sexual assault- particularly date rape. It might be easy to separate yourself from the idea of date rape, because we hear this term frequently without connecting it to our own lives. However, statistics show that between 20 and 25 percent of college women experience complete or attempted rape. It is likely that you will know someone that has been raped or you will experience a situation like this yourself. When an individual is sexually assaulted or raped, 84 percent of the time the perpetrator is someone that s/he knows. If you experience sexual assault, chances are that the individual who commits this act will be a friend of yours, possibly someone that you just met.
There are ways for you to reduce the risk of being sexually assaulted or raped, but, ultimately, there is no way to positively prevent it. Know that you are worth being in relationship with and that you never have to “settle” for a situation that is not good for you out of fear that it might be your only or best chance. There are many faculty and staff members at EOU that care about your well being and want to help you through these transitions. Eastern Oregon University does not condone sexual assault and there are a number of resources available to you should you experience it.
http://www.eou.edu/saffairs/sex/anyone.html
rape scenario:
Yoko squirmed uncomfortably in her seat as she tried to pay attention to her humanities professor. She was aware Bob was staring at her. She didn't know him well and it made her uncomfortable. Yoko looked over at Bob anxiously, returned his smile politely and looked down. After class, Bob approached Yoko and asked her to have a beer with him.
In Yoko's culture, she would not go out for a beer with someone she didn't know well and trust, yet, Bob seemed friendly. She was flattered to be asked out. She did not feel comfortable turning him down. "How about coffee instead?" suggested Yoko. "Okay," Bob said, "after that, let's go see a movie." "Umm, well, yes that would be fine." Yoko agreed pensively. After the movie, Bob asked Yoko back to his place for a drink. Yoko thanked Bob but told him she had to go home and study. Bob walked her back to her apartment. Yoko tried to say goodbye, but Bob pushed his way in. Yoko was uncomfortable with this, but did not know how to ask Bob to leave without being rude. Bob then approached her and sat down next to her. He started to kiss her. Yoko was very surprised and was not sure how to react. "What are you thinking about?" Yoko asked as she pulled away. "Let me stay just a little longer," Bob said as he persisted to kiss Yoko, despite her protests. Yoko felt very helpless and did not know how to change her situation. Bob proceeded to force himself on her and have intercourse with Yoko.
Does agreeing to go out with someone mean you are agreeing to have intercourse with him or her? Is there ever a time when you have to pay-off a date with sexual activity?The above scenario is an example of coercive rape. Although Yoko never said "no" to Bob, she clearly did not consent to the sexual activity. Bob took advantage of the cultural differences and coerced her into having intercourse by pressuring her with reasons of why she should. Coercive rape, using verbal pressure to engage a person in intercourse against his or her will, can also happen between people of the same culture and the same sex and is the least reported of all forms of rape and the hardest form to prosecute. A survivor of coercive rape usually has a difficult time overcoming the effects of the rape because he/she does not identify the act as rape. The best method to prevent coercive rape is to openly and honestly communicate about your sexual limits before the situation arises.
http://www.eou.edu/saffairs/sex/scenario1.html
Monday, February 23, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
dialogue between a bystander and a perpetrator
Dialogue....
Billy: Hey man, I am thinking about taking Susie back with me tonight....i think there is a good chance that we will finally hook up..you know what i mean?
Joe: You sure you want to do that man? Susie looks pretty gone...I dont think that is a good idea.
Billy: Don't worry about it man, me and Susie are on that level with each other..we should have hooked up 3 weeks ago..it is totally fine.
Joe: Alright..but I am just saying..she is tanked and I don't think she would be willing to do that if she were sober.
Billy: Whatever...I am out of here..stay out of my business (storms off)
Billy pulls Susie out the door and she is stumbling behind him.
Joe looks to Adam who was standing next to him the whole time.
Joe: Why didn't you say anything, man?
Casey: I dunno..I just don't think it is any of my business...what he does is his own problem..i don't want to be involved..that's all.
Joe: Yeah, but she is wasted and he is probably going to take advantage of her...you know how Billy is with girls.....it just isn't right.
Casey: I don't know man, I guess it is too late now....
Billy: Hey man, I am thinking about taking Susie back with me tonight....i think there is a good chance that we will finally hook up..you know what i mean?
Joe: You sure you want to do that man? Susie looks pretty gone...I dont think that is a good idea.
Billy: Don't worry about it man, me and Susie are on that level with each other..we should have hooked up 3 weeks ago..it is totally fine.
Joe: Alright..but I am just saying..she is tanked and I don't think she would be willing to do that if she were sober.
Billy: Whatever...I am out of here..stay out of my business (storms off)
Billy pulls Susie out the door and she is stumbling behind him.
Joe looks to Adam who was standing next to him the whole time.
Joe: Why didn't you say anything, man?
Casey: I dunno..I just don't think it is any of my business...what he does is his own problem..i don't want to be involved..that's all.
Joe: Yeah, but she is wasted and he is probably going to take advantage of her...you know how Billy is with girls.....it just isn't right.
Casey: I don't know man, I guess it is too late now....
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Who is a rapist or sexual offender?
In recent years, researchers and clinicians have focused increasingly on the nature of sex offenders' intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship. It is a relationship in which the participants know or trust one another very well or are confidants of one another, or a relationship in which there is physical or emotional intimacy. Basically, three overlapping but distinct lines of research can be identified. The first area of research is concerned with investigating sexual offenders' adult romantic relationships and the interactions between attachment style, intimacy deficits, and offending. To cause displeasure, anger, resentment, or wounded feelings in behavior The second line of research is concerned with offenders' early developmental experiences, documenting the variables that predict later sexual aggression. The third type of research has examined adolescent sexual offenders' interactions with their caregivers and peers. Despite the value of the above research findings, the link between the quality of early interpersonal relationships. This article or section may contain original research or unverified claims.
http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Sexual+offenders%27+perceptions+of+their+early+interpersonal+...-a091475116
Danger signs
1) Insensitivity for others/emphasis on self - Does this person put his wants above the needs, feelings or well being of others? Is getting his way more important to him than other people's welfare? Often this can go beyond mere selfishness and border nearly on an "assumed divine right." Often these people will justify a particularly vicious action with a flip comment like, "Hey, that's how the game is played." Such a person has no understanding that he must co-exist with others. Because he simply exists he thinks the world "owes" him whatever he wants. A common tactic of such a person it to make you feel bad for not doing what he wants.
2) Belittling behavior or attitudes towards others - Does this person habitually make nasty, belittling or degrading comments about others – especially under the guise of joking? Does this person think he is better than others? Does he look down on others? A nouveau riche aristocrat? Is he a racist? A person who thinks that race or social position makes him superior can also assume gender does too. When you think you are superior, an assumed right to ‘take’ what you want often follows.
3) Negating behavior or comments - Closely related to 1 and 2. Does he try to tell you what you are feeling or thinking? Or worse, tell you what you are not? Comments like "you don’t really mean that" are serious indicators of someone trying to negate you. A person who negates others is trying to take away the other person’s thoughts, feelings and needs and attempting to project his wants onto that person. The most obvious example of this is "Well even though she said ‘no’, she really meant ‘yes’".
4) Hostile and/or threatening language - What words does a person use? Choice of words convey subconscious assumptions about a particular topic. For example a man who generically refers to women as "bitches" does not have good assumptions about females (or much respect). It is all too easy to dismiss this behavior as just "blowing off steam." But if it is a constant behavior, it goes far beyond that. Someone who habitually uses violent or threatening language should be carefully watched for possible escalation. It’s on his mind already. It’s a uncomfortably short step from ‘thinking about’ to ‘doing’.
5) Bullying - This behavior is especially dangerous. Does this person use overt or subtle threats to get his way? A bully uses the threat of violence more than actual violence. Most often bullies are not willing to risk conflict with someone who can hurt them (an alpha male), and will instead chose to intimidate someone he considers weaker and safer. Someone who is bullying over other matters can easily turn to bullying you regarding sex.
6) Excessive anger - How easy does this person anger? Is he a "Short Fuse"? Does he boil over at the slightest problem? This is an indication of chronic anger. A person who explodes over a minor issue is like a full pot boiling over on the stove. It’s not that the issue is all that important, but that he has so much anger already, any more causes him to explode. Often people with chronic anger look for targets to vent their anger at. This could manifest as physical fights, abuse, or rape.
7) Brooding/ revenge - Does this person hang onto his anger long after the situation is over? Will he still be stewing over something while everyone else has moved onto other things? Will he become anti-social and glare at the source of his anger from across the room? Will he insist on taking revenge for real or imagined slights? Both indicate a petty and obsessive personality. A brooder fixates on something and then works himself into a frenzy over it. A person who seeks revenge "has to win" and is willing to take it to extremes. Refusing such a person’s sexual advances can turn this tendency towards you.
8) Obsession – This is a close cousin to number seven. It is a major factor with acquaintance rapes. This is the person who won’t leave you alone. He insists on ‘hitting on you’ long after you have told him no. He is always trying establish forced intimacy (see ‘bonding process’ below). Such obsessions easily turn into anger when his advances are rejected. One day he shows up in a fringe area, drunk and attacks.
9) Extreme mood swings - Beware someone who can go from wildly happy to deeply wounded at a moment's notice. This sort of personality can feel justified to commit an unlimited amount of violence and damage, because you "hurt his feelings." This is a common pattern among those with chronic anger about life.
10) Physical tantrums - How does this person get angry? Especially when denied "getting his way". Beware of a person who regularly physically assaults his environment i.e. hitting walls, kicking things etc. It is only a short step from striking a car to attacking you.
11) Jock or gorilla mentality - This mentality promotes both acceptance and encouragement for the use of violence. It is especially common among participants of contact sports. What is most insidious about this mentality is the "jock" receives, not only positive reinforcement, but out-and-out applause for being aggressive and violent. This can easily lead to a failure to differentiate between the playing field and real life. Mike Tyson’s comment is a prime example: "Nobody ever objected before."
12) A mean drunk - Nearly all rape and abuse cases involve alcohol. Watch what surfaces when someone is intoxicated. It shows what is always lurking underneath. Do not put yourself into a situation where you would deal with such a person while he is intoxicated. Most importantly, don't allow your facilities to be diminished by alcohol or drugs in this person's presence.
13) Alcohol or drug abuse - To begin with drug and alcohol addiction can in be traced back to selfishness and a refusal to change one’s world view. Alcohol and drugs are not the cause of bad behavior, rather they are used as an excuse! Often the attacker intentionally became intoxicated to ignore the social restrictions and inhibitions regarding violence.
While there are others, these behaviors are serious indicators of a potential rapist. This short list should acquaint you with the basics. Not all men are rapists, but a person like this has a higher probability than others. You not only find these traits among rapists and abusers, but also professional criminals. Philosophically there is little difference between such, they are all selfish. Most often it is just a matter of degrees, style and choice of victims.
http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/profile.html
http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Sexual+offenders%27+perceptions+of+their+early+interpersonal+...-a091475116
Danger signs
1) Insensitivity for others/emphasis on self - Does this person put his wants above the needs, feelings or well being of others? Is getting his way more important to him than other people's welfare? Often this can go beyond mere selfishness and border nearly on an "assumed divine right." Often these people will justify a particularly vicious action with a flip comment like, "Hey, that's how the game is played." Such a person has no understanding that he must co-exist with others. Because he simply exists he thinks the world "owes" him whatever he wants. A common tactic of such a person it to make you feel bad for not doing what he wants.
2) Belittling behavior or attitudes towards others - Does this person habitually make nasty, belittling or degrading comments about others – especially under the guise of joking? Does this person think he is better than others? Does he look down on others? A nouveau riche aristocrat? Is he a racist? A person who thinks that race or social position makes him superior can also assume gender does too. When you think you are superior, an assumed right to ‘take’ what you want often follows.
3) Negating behavior or comments - Closely related to 1 and 2. Does he try to tell you what you are feeling or thinking? Or worse, tell you what you are not? Comments like "you don’t really mean that" are serious indicators of someone trying to negate you. A person who negates others is trying to take away the other person’s thoughts, feelings and needs and attempting to project his wants onto that person. The most obvious example of this is "Well even though she said ‘no’, she really meant ‘yes’".
4) Hostile and/or threatening language - What words does a person use? Choice of words convey subconscious assumptions about a particular topic. For example a man who generically refers to women as "bitches" does not have good assumptions about females (or much respect). It is all too easy to dismiss this behavior as just "blowing off steam." But if it is a constant behavior, it goes far beyond that. Someone who habitually uses violent or threatening language should be carefully watched for possible escalation. It’s on his mind already. It’s a uncomfortably short step from ‘thinking about’ to ‘doing’.
5) Bullying - This behavior is especially dangerous. Does this person use overt or subtle threats to get his way? A bully uses the threat of violence more than actual violence. Most often bullies are not willing to risk conflict with someone who can hurt them (an alpha male), and will instead chose to intimidate someone he considers weaker and safer. Someone who is bullying over other matters can easily turn to bullying you regarding sex.
6) Excessive anger - How easy does this person anger? Is he a "Short Fuse"? Does he boil over at the slightest problem? This is an indication of chronic anger. A person who explodes over a minor issue is like a full pot boiling over on the stove. It’s not that the issue is all that important, but that he has so much anger already, any more causes him to explode. Often people with chronic anger look for targets to vent their anger at. This could manifest as physical fights, abuse, or rape.
7) Brooding/ revenge - Does this person hang onto his anger long after the situation is over? Will he still be stewing over something while everyone else has moved onto other things? Will he become anti-social and glare at the source of his anger from across the room? Will he insist on taking revenge for real or imagined slights? Both indicate a petty and obsessive personality. A brooder fixates on something and then works himself into a frenzy over it. A person who seeks revenge "has to win" and is willing to take it to extremes. Refusing such a person’s sexual advances can turn this tendency towards you.
8) Obsession – This is a close cousin to number seven. It is a major factor with acquaintance rapes. This is the person who won’t leave you alone. He insists on ‘hitting on you’ long after you have told him no. He is always trying establish forced intimacy (see ‘bonding process’ below). Such obsessions easily turn into anger when his advances are rejected. One day he shows up in a fringe area, drunk and attacks.
9) Extreme mood swings - Beware someone who can go from wildly happy to deeply wounded at a moment's notice. This sort of personality can feel justified to commit an unlimited amount of violence and damage, because you "hurt his feelings." This is a common pattern among those with chronic anger about life.
10) Physical tantrums - How does this person get angry? Especially when denied "getting his way". Beware of a person who regularly physically assaults his environment i.e. hitting walls, kicking things etc. It is only a short step from striking a car to attacking you.
11) Jock or gorilla mentality - This mentality promotes both acceptance and encouragement for the use of violence. It is especially common among participants of contact sports. What is most insidious about this mentality is the "jock" receives, not only positive reinforcement, but out-and-out applause for being aggressive and violent. This can easily lead to a failure to differentiate between the playing field and real life. Mike Tyson’s comment is a prime example: "Nobody ever objected before."
12) A mean drunk - Nearly all rape and abuse cases involve alcohol. Watch what surfaces when someone is intoxicated. It shows what is always lurking underneath. Do not put yourself into a situation where you would deal with such a person while he is intoxicated. Most importantly, don't allow your facilities to be diminished by alcohol or drugs in this person's presence.
13) Alcohol or drug abuse - To begin with drug and alcohol addiction can in be traced back to selfishness and a refusal to change one’s world view. Alcohol and drugs are not the cause of bad behavior, rather they are used as an excuse! Often the attacker intentionally became intoxicated to ignore the social restrictions and inhibitions regarding violence.
While there are others, these behaviors are serious indicators of a potential rapist. This short list should acquaint you with the basics. Not all men are rapists, but a person like this has a higher probability than others. You not only find these traits among rapists and abusers, but also professional criminals. Philosophically there is little difference between such, they are all selfish. Most often it is just a matter of degrees, style and choice of victims.
http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/profile.html
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